You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
