I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
