The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
