Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
