my phone needs a breathalizer
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
