then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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