So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
