My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
