happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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