He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
