Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
