Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
