I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
