I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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