Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
