Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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