No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
