is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
