she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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