hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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