I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
