Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
