After last night, I could never be a politician.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
