sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
