Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
