no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
