Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
