Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
