I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
