it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
