dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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