Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
