Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
