? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
