It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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