As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
