i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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