I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
