Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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