Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
