so let's talk penis.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sober January is a disaster.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
