Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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