Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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