conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
