So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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