a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
