he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
