i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
