you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
