Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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