just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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