xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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