12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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