Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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