Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she pinky promised me she was 18
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So much rum. So many feels.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
