I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I would fuck him just for his dog
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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