If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
