Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
