You can't motorboat a personality
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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