Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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