I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
