i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
