she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
