Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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