why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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