You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
