My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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