I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
