Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
