I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
