Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
