just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
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I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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