Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I smell stomach acid.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
